08 May 2006 - 3:12 p.m.

Grand final memories

My first memories of a grand final were of the 1991 grand final where most of this area were dressed up in Penrith colours, and when Royce Simmonds scored two tries, and was jumping up and down after the second one. I was only a kid then and decided thereafter to wear a Panthers cap to school, which was subsequently egged on muck-up day the following year.

I watched the 1999 grand final at a friend Fh.Dn's place. Fh.Dn, who was from Melbourne and a mad Hawthorn supporter, was understandably not the most knowledgable rugby league supporter, but made up for it with enthusiasm, especially as the Storm made their comeback. I knew him as he was previously one of my dad's tennants. He meant to tape the game, and I reminded him of that at half time, but since the Storm were down so much, he didn't bother to tape the rest. Little did we know what a great comeback was in store. From the chump Mundine losing the ball over the line, to the penalty try given to Melbourne to seal the turnaround, the volume in the messy bedroom grew louder throughout the second half. It was also one of the first times I realised I was different, when I couldn't yell "Go the Storm!!" as loudly as Fh.Dn. He cut off all contact with me shortly thereafter.

Watching a grand final in a state of complete anhedonia is something everyone should do at least once in their lifetime as I did in 2000 in Cumberland psychiactric hospital. Apparently this may have had something to do with the game as it was supposed to have been dull and defensive, although I really wouldn't have known, the state I was in. I had been in there for weeks because of suicidal thoughts, which incidentally haven't subsided that much since, but are apparently no longer a reason for me to be in hospital. It happened as I was leaving work one day that I really didn't bother whether I got hit by a car crossing a road. So perhaps on second thoughts they have subsided a little. Vodafone, to their eternal credit, gave me my job back after I got out of hospital. I managed to keep it for a few more months before I moved overseas.

I didn't actually get to see the 2001 grand final as I was in France but I remember looking up the result on the net, not at all expecting the result that Parramatta - my team (I ditched Penrith when they joined Superleague) - had lost after dominating the season. I was a bit disappointed, but the sunshine was coming in the window and the lab assistants weren't there to tell me I shouldn't be using the net. In any case, rugby league seemed something of a gimmick as I was still in post-September 11 shock in Muslim-filled southern France.

I spent 2002 in Perth and for much of that time I was flatting with a kiwi called Fh.Nl. Because channel 9 didn't show the NRL grand final live in AFL-mad WA, we had to go up to a pub to watch it on Imparja sattelite TV, which was interesting. The sun was still setting in the west, and I remember supporting the Roosters, with Fh.Nl being the only Warriors supporter in the pub (there were about 20 of us watching on the big screen). With each try the Roosters scored, Fh.Nl got more and more ticked off, which was comical to watch.

In 2003 I had purchased a new 80cm TV for the new flat I was living in, and I watched the grand final on it with Gh.M and my mum, barracking for the Penrith like I did when I was a kid. When the game was over, I came up with an ingenious idea - go to the Panthers club right after the game. Panthers was only a short drive away. When we got there, it was absolutely packed, and rockin' like never before. I hung around in the foyer until the bus with the players arrived and Craig Gower emerged holding the trophy, surrounded by a throng of security while the rest of the players went up the private stairs. I followed everyone else into the main auditorium which was where I was to meet up with Gh.M. After what seemed like hours the players, now dressed in suits, emerged on stage with the trophy to a thunderous roar. This was already after midnight, and the party went well into the night.

I intentionally missed the 2004 grand final because it involved the Bulldogs and everything they stand for.

The 2005 grand final was shown on the big screen at church. I don't remember much of the game because the interest was present that night and my attention was very much divided. I don't even remember how the match ended. While most of the guys were following the match, I was casually trying to avoid being seen by the interest by moving around the building, but at the same time see if she was looking at me. And yes, she did glance towards me at least once. Not that that meant anything, as it turns out.

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