2004-09-16 - 8:46 p.m.

the P word

I am sick of struggling with the issue of porn. Willpower and good intentions have not resolved it, it is time to write out all I believe, know, want, and must do to resolve it.

Where to start? The situation is present is like so. I am a Christian and I believe that it is wrong for me to use it but am not entirely sure why, although the consensus in the Christian world seems to be that it is wrong. In fact, I have only given in to the temptation once in the last week and that was on Tuesday. More to the point, the reason I feel a sense of urgency right now to deal with this is that I followed a link to the Landover Baptist "Church", which is in fact not a church but a satire of how many small L liberals perceive Christians, their flaws and their aparrent stupidity. It was confronting, although not altogether surprising, to discover that that is how many people may see me. In particular, this page of their site, which describes their beliefs about masturbation had me laughing and fearful at the same time, and has inspired me to get this dealt with.

What do I actually believe then? Let's start with the obvious verse, Matthew 5:28: I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. I should specify at this point that when I say porn, I mean any time where I have used representations of women for my own pleasure and not necessarily only those that involve nudity or eroticism. When I am tempted I often reason that the objects of my affection are not women, but representations thereof that constitute in pixels whose colours are created by the various proportions of red, green and blue light that are given out by the monitor, and therefore it is not wrong.

I remember one day when my mum described to me how my dad used porn when she was pregnant, and while she was in hospital. I don't remember exactly how she articulated the implications of this act, but it was plainly clear from her tears and tone of voice that she had great hatred, loathing, embarrassment, shame, despair, bewilderment, etc, etc as a result. At this time I did not remind her that the objects of my father's affection were representations formed by combinations of coloured ink that were produced in a printing press. The medium and method of representation was not foremost of my mother's concerns at this time. What she was upset about was that her position of uniqueness and mutual love and need in her marriage had been revoked.

I could reason to myself then that the use of porn is wrong when in a relationship. I am single. My use of porn does not risk to cause a woman to feel like she has been cheated on. However I also believe that it is wrong to have sex before marriage. Why? It is the consensus in the Christian world. Oh come on, you can do better than that? OK, let's try these verses: 1 Corinthians 6:18: Flee from sexual immorality and 7:1-3: It is good for a man not to marry. But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The word for immorality here is porneia, the Greek word that the English porn comes from, which according to my concordance is "a generic term for sexual sin of any kind". The context here is having sex, and since the writer advises us to marry to avoid porneia, one extrapolates that he means that having sex is meant only for marriage.

In that case, the use of porn before marriage is synonimised with a sexual relationship before marriage. So I realise that I have had a false sense of selfrighteousness when observing people like my brother who is in an apparently healthy sexual relationship despite being unmarried, since I have been guilty of the same thing.

So then. What to do? Firstly, I am sorry for judging anyone that has had sex outside of marriage, because if what they have done is wrong, then so is what I have done. Secondly, I am officially breaking up with porn. Sure temptation will come, and I might be found weak, but now I have this entry to refer back to when needed. I cannot change on my own effort, I need the Spirit to work in me, now that I have worked this out. Porn, you are dumped.

Sorry, lieve schat, maar ik moet je nu verlaten
Ik vind het best wel jammer, ik kon altijd met je praten
We waren met zijn tweeen zo Verenigd als de Staten
Maar achterom mijn rug zat je te flirten met mijn maten
Ik had alles in de gaten, maar ik maakte me niet druk
Mensen hadden me gewaarschuwd, maar ik gaf geen ene f
Want ik wist het zeker, nee, ik dacht niet aan misschien
Ik heb me eigen ogen, ik heb alles toch gezien
Want ik ben niet blind al benik verliefd
Nahh alsjeblieft pak je spullen en vertrek, je maakt je zelf depressief
Je kan me hart niet stelen want ik ben zelf een dief
Wanneer ik het uitmaak is het voor definitief

Ik ben je zat, geloof mij nou ik heb het echt gehad
Het leven is geen spel, het leven is geen wedden dat
Ik geef het toe, vuile b, je hebt me echt genakt
Nu heb je spijt maar je hoeft niet meer te bellen schat

De eerste keer dat ik je zag was je een hele losse meid
Het maakte mij niet uit ik had een hele toffe tijd
Ik wou het daar bij laten maar je had me toch verleid
Onze relatie werd een feit en achteraf toen had ik spijt
Want ik ging met de verkeerde, zoals jij je presenteerde
Leek het alsof je de ware was en niemand protesteerde
Over dat er wat mankeerde en ik 't eigenlijk moest laten
Maar ja, achteraf is altijd makkelijker praten
Dan gedaan, het is gedaan want ik kreeg het voor mijn kiezen
Je zag het als een spelletje en ik moest hem verliezen
Ja ik kon ook niet weten dat ik ging met een actrice
Want je speelde een schone meid maar je was gewoon een vieze

Ik ben je zat, geloof mij, nou ik heb het echt gehad
Het leven is geen spel, het leven is geen wedden dat
Ik geef het toe, vuile b, je hebt me echt genakt
Nu heb je spijt maar je hoeft niet meer te bellen schat

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