20 February 2006 - 4:05 p.m.

A few half-hearted resolutions

Another party which was heartbreaking because of the presence of the interest and her new boyfriend, it seems. I really should be over it, I want to be over it, but I am still obsessed. Much like how I want to be a good Christian but find it much too difficult.

I got drunk the other night. I want to record the pain of the hangover and the embarrassment of what I did while I still remember it in the hope that it will stop me doing it again. It was the first time I ever got properly drunk. I was shouting loudly and then I stumbled and fell. I felt like I was going to be sick when I was in bed. The world spinning, I tried to keep as still as possible. The following morning I had an awful hangover. It was like I was still drunk but had a headache to go with it. I vowed not to get drunk again.

This computer is no longer in my room, a mutual decision made last night with the junior who would be my mentor. My mum caused me pain while I brought it out and I don't know why God rewards me like this.

My life is still non eventful. I stay in my house all day, rarely go out, have no job. Only the medication stops me from screaming. But it also stops me from living.

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