2004-09-15 - 7:44 p.m.

restoring relationships

I have been greatly blessed today by the chapter of Purpose Driven Life on restoring relationships (Day 20). I don't think I've written at length about my dad in this diary. The general rule with him is, the less said the better. From the beginning then.

If I don't write much about him, it's mainly for denial. I don't want to think that I might turn out like him, and am terrified sometimes when I realise that I share some of his personality. He has been diagnosed with Bipolar at one stage, but this is not in itself so bad, it's his refusal to allow himself to have anything remotely resembling a healthy relationship with anyone else on the planet.

He is lonely, unloved and unloving, rarely willing to listen to anyone for any purpose, but liking to tell everyone what to do and brooding with anger when they inevitably tell him where to go. He clashed with my mum and shares her unwavering determination to control the will of others. It is a miracle that they managed to stay together long enough to produce two children.

So where am I? OK. Some months ago legal proceedings were commenced against him by a group of people who also like to force other people against their will and take pleasure from the process. However unlike my dad, these people are also well organised, and can afford strong legal representation. Both sides are unwilling to compromise in any way and despite his denial, my dad will probably exhaust all financial and emotional resources at his disposal and end up being forced to sell his home of 20 years. This would possibly push him over the edge. Everyone can see it coming, except him, and no one cares, except me, and only on occasions.

So as there is nothing anyone can do, we wait in apathy. Some weeks ago he was involved in a venture too embarrasing to mention and then about a week later, on Father's day, I went to see him. As his his custom, he began talking about what he was doing, why it is the most important thing in the world and why I must interrupt whatever life I may have to assist him. After listening to this for about half an hour we went to visit his wife who was in hospital and words can not express how much that woman is suffering because of him (emotionally I specify, I don't believe there is any physical violence). When I finally indicated that I had no intention of purchasing the particular brand of car he insisted I buy, he burned with anger and took me to the nearest train station. I haven't seen him since.

So today I read the chapter which inspired me to call him, following a process of restoring relationships:

1. Talk to God before talking to the person
2. Always take the initiative
3. Sympathise with their feelings
4. Confess your part of the conflict
5. Attack the problem, not the person
6. Cooprate as much as possible
7. Emphasise reconciliation, not resolution

A happy ending then...

Moppie, moppie, moppie
Ik vind je helemaal toppie
Ik krijg je niet meer uit me koppie, hey moppie

Ik heb me hart zo vaak kapot gemaakt
Maar ik weet zeker nu dat God bestaat
Ik zag je staan, ik zag je dus meteen zitte
Voelde in een flits, de vonk en dus meteen hitte
Het was voor mij alsof de tijd even stil stond
M'hart op tilt stond wat ik eigenlijk wel chill vond
Twee blikken, een gedachte, is wat ik dacht toen ik zag dat je even naar mee lachte
Het was te verwachten, ik krijg je niet meer uit me kop
Hoofd in de wolken, nee, ik kom er nooit meer bovenop
De zon gaat op en de zon gaat onder
Maar een leven zonder moppie nee me wereld draaid niet zonder
Dus over spelen als een player is niks meer voor mij
Ik zou niet durfen willen dollen met een chick als jij
Want ik ben helemaal gek van jou
Dus vandaar deze track voor jou, moppie

Moppie, moppie, moppie
Ik vind je helemaal toppie
Ik krijg je niet meer uit me koppie, oh moppie
Moppie, moppie, moppie
Ik vind je helemaal toppie
Ik krijg je niet meer uit me koppie, hey moppie...

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