2004-09-28 - 6:15 p.m.

of depression and dysfunctional families

-Mh.J says:
(myself) says:
gday
-Mh.J says:
greetings
(myself) says:
are you feeling better recently?
-Mh.J says:
uummm... so u r ?
(myself) says:
I (etc) remember
-Mh.J says:
ohhh, hello
-Mh.J says:
sorry, too many people have (etc).. i remember.. (etc).
(myself) says:
I am also on antidepressants etc
-Mh.J says:
i read that... so your opinion of antidepressants is?
(myself) says:
you can't see it when you are really down and in pain that they are actually doing good and you think that it doesn't matter whether you take them or not, but it does matter
(myself) says:
at the moment I am taking mirtaxon and Neulactil
-Mh.J says:
well to me, the thought of actually taking a drug that will impact your mnd is frightful... i mean, can you really trust docs enuff to believe that this drug is doing you well... somehow it can be seen as being conditioned or assimilated to be the average human mind
(myself) says:
yes I know that's true but I would rather have the pain stop
(myself) says:
most doctors don't care, they just are overworked and think that you don't want to help yourself
-Mh.J says:
'pain' it is painful if you take that mental approach.. yet this depression to me has become the norm and i assume this is the way my life was meant to be lived
(myself) says:
hmm I don't see it like that, I hope and expect that one day I will not have this pain any more
(myself) says:
depression is worse than qhysical pain because it affects the way you see everything
(myself) says:
I often think, I have had depression since I was a kid and so I will always be like this, but that's not the way we are supposed to live
-Mh.J says:
yes, but still taking a critical point of view is not difficult. and yes depresion is the worst thing .... yes, since you were a child? may i ask why? and for me this is sixth year... but it was a progressive thing
(myself) says:
I don't know why, ever since kindy I have been bullied and crying often, I hate it, I think it is a side effect of Asperger's
-Mh.J says:
forgive my ignorance? asperger's?
(myself) says:
it is the condition that I have
(myself) says:
basically means I have trouble making friends and communicating often
(myself) says:
its sort of hard to explain
-Mh.J says:
so you try to make friends and it doesn't work? or you fear being oout of a comfort zone?
(myself) says:
no.. it's hard to explain
(myself) says:
like, things that are obvious to other people are hard for me
(myself) says:
like eye contact and what to say in some situations
(myself) says:
What does the doctr say is your diagnosis?
-Mh.J says:
eye contact is very hard for a lot of people. nevertheless i haven't read too far into your journal as i have been preoccupied with (etc). so far it is intriguing... and i hope you don't mind that i gave a link to a friend who has also been reading?
(myself) says:
no that's what it is online for
-Mh.J says:
this doc said reactive depressive and then changed his mind to manic.. so obviously he is nuts to not get it right...
(myself) says:
I have been diagnosed with a lot of things before this one (Asperger's)
-Mh.J says:
what else?
(myself) says:
bopolar, anxiety disorder, major depression
-Mh.J says:
do you believe you have any of these mental illnesses? to me believing some docs opinion is giving in to doubt and i don't believe that i need help... if i desire to change the way i am, then i will eventually do that.
(myself) says:
Yeah I get the impression that the doctor doesn't care what diagnosis he gives, but when I read about it I agree that I have asperger's and I have issues with anxiety occasionly so that too
-Mh.J says:
why are you relying on drugs? perhaps a change in lifestyle? maybe the environment in which you live has destroyed your self esteem?confidence? trust? i am using words to vaguly create a path os anothers perspective..The main reason that I take the drugs is because the doc tells me to and if I don't they may recommend to cut my Centrelink so I don't want that.. also I figure it can't get a lot worse than how I was on no drugs. And I have lived in different places because my family is messed up.
Mh.J says:
well yes... a victim of circumstance.. i had to visit the therapist once or (etc) altogether... so basically you really arn't the one in control when docs say that you are
(myself) says:
Well it's not that simple. I do actually believe that doctors are able to help in some way.
(myself) says:
I also want to be seen by my family that I actually am trying to get better
- Mh.J says:
well my family dnt kno jack s. i mean they dnt kno i have depression or ive seen a shrink... well i live with my biological mother and sister and neither of em have a clue.
(myself) says:
That's no good
(myself) says:
Do you not have any family that you can talk to? My family are pretty messed up, my parents are divorced, I live with my mum
- Mh.J says:
no way. i cnt talk to ne of them... my folks r divorced, i (etc) and the whole extended family hate me for (etc).. so family is non exsistant
(myself) says:
That's no good
(myself) says:
(etc)
- Mh.J says:
thats horrible. and ur living with her now?
(myself) says:
yes it's a long story
(myself) says:
she kicked me out and I was living in youth refuges in a lot of places
- Mh.J says:
u didnt live with ur dad?
(myself) says:
no he has bipolar and is very difficult to get along with
- Mh.J says:
thats horrible. things of late? have they improved?
(myself) says:
I'm getting on with my mum better now although she periodically threatens to kick me out
(myself) says:
I have really tried my best to get along with her, but she just believes since it's her house she doesn't have to listen
- Mh.J says:
perhaps you should move out with friends? be on your own and stuff.... leave the crap behind... although my advice is s because i have a tendancy to run away from my problems... and i c that as the best solution, thus run away from your problems may not be right .. but if i were u that is what i wud do
(myself) says:
I was living by myself earlier this year and I couldn't cope, so I moved back in with my mum
(myself) says:
I have to go now, I will talk to you later
- Mh.J says:
sure thing
- Mh.J says:
take care

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