2005-01-28 - 4:15 p.m.

To know the truth and not believe it

Fh.Ju says:
(myself) says: are you busy atm
Fh.Ju says: not really, hows it going
(myself) says: not good i dont know hoe much longer i can last with my mum
(myself) says: i will have to move out soon
Fh.Ju says: she has gotten angry again?
(myself) says: last night she was in my face
(myself) says: i dont know how much longer i can last to not hit her
(myself) says: i must move out
(myself) says: she does everything she can to make me wish i was dead
Fh.Ju says: i am sorry to hear that dude, its a shame she seems to underestimate the power of the Lord, and ur trust in him
Fh.Ju says: has Fh.A or anyone else come back with any ideas for places to move too?
(myself) says: no i have pestered him with calls he has not returned my calls
(myself) says: he knows
(myself) says: i think he has been busy with his (etc)
(myself) says: but its been since a month
Fh.Ju says: ok well this Sunday ask him again, and i will ask him aswell, i will ask Fh.C tonight aswell about it
Fh.Ju says: the more we pester, the more chance of him really looking into it
(myself) says: yes
(myself) says: the fact is no one wants to live with me i am up all night screaming
Fh.Ju says: that must be hard for u dude, and i dont know how u are feeling, but i do know that God lives with u, and is all around u every second of the day
(myself) says: yes
(myself) says: but i am scared i was going to kill my mum last night
Fh.Ju says: is there any professional or whatever u can talk to about this? is this the first time u were thinking about killing her?
(myself) says: no the counsellors and doctors refuse to see me they say there is nothing they can do to help only i can help myself , yes i have wanted to kill her since 6 months
(myself) says: every night i stop my self from doing it so i scream all night
(myself) says: i have to move out but i cant cope on my own that is why i moved back in
Fh.Ju says: yup what about someone at Church to talk too, i think they have counsellors or trained people or something, i am not really sure though
Fh.Ju says: but its good that you have the restraint to not kill your Mum, even thought u have thought about it, be encouraged by that
(myself) says: yes i have seen about 15 doctors and so many counsellors but no one can help me only i can help myself yes i have showed restrain but it is killing me i wish i was dead
(myself) says: but i shjouldnt ask for sympathy no one can help me only i can help my self
Fh.Ju says: in some ways i agree with u with solving of issues, but in others i dont because such is being part of the Christian faith, we should be looking out and trying to help / encourage u, so although we cant solve ur problems, we can try and help with other things in ur life
Fh.Ju says: i am glad u are not dead i like hanging around u and playing soccer with u hehe, u are good fun to be around!
(myself) says: yes but there are heaps of people praying for me and helping me and it doesnt make a difference i need to help my self
(myself) says: thanks
Fh.Ju says: i think it does make a difference, because God hears all those prayers when (etc) had cancer last year, i honestly believe he was healed by both the Doctors and the Church praying for him, of course i could never prove it through science, but in my heart that is what i believe
(myself) says: ok yes i belive god heals and the fact is people have been praying for my heaps and for 8 years and i have only gotten worse
Fh.Ju says: i am sorry to hear that dude but still I hold true to the fact that God heals, and i will continue to Pray that he works in your life, and your families
(myself) says: yes thank you
Fh.Ju says: i called Fh.E last night to see how he is going
Fh.Ju says: he seems to be going well etc, with the move
(myself) says: thats good i was going to help him move but the night before i was up screaming until late and i didnt have the descipline to get up at 7
(myself) says: do you live with your parents
Fh.Ju says: i was planning aswell but i had to work
Fh.Ju says: yeah i live with both parents, as an only Child
(myself) says: where do you live in (etc)
Fh.Ju says: (etc)
(myself) says: do they go to church
Fh.Ju says: yes, (etc)
Fh.Ju says: usually in the morning
(myself) says: ok
(myself) says: do you think i can move in there do you think your parents would think its a good idea
(myself) says: i would pay rent
Fh.Ju says: we have someone already who stays with us, he has the granny flat and (etc) has to go back to hospital because traces of the cancer have returned, at this stage i think the answer would have to be no because of those 2 things, but i will ask anyway tonight dude for u paying rent is no issue at all
(myself) says: ok
Fh.Ju says: soirry mate
Fh.Ju says: if i had my own house i would let u stay with me, but that doens't do u any good now
(myself) says: ok
Fh.Ju says: cool i look forward to it
Fh.Ju says: cya dude
(myself) says: look forward to what
Fh.Ju says: catching up with u on Sunday night
(myself) says: ok
Fh.Ju says: we can even get an ice block!
(myself) says: cool

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