2004-10-14 - 6:48 p.m.

clearing the snow off the driveway

Today I had the appointment with the counsellor with my mum present, which I was fearing could have become a disaster, but which passed relatively calmly. In fact quite a bit better than that, I learned a fair bit about myself, and am somewhat more confident in being able to get on well with my family, work through my troubles and get a more normal life back.

This despite the fact that I have had to accept that Asperger’s is incurable, and that I will have to learn to manage the symptoms. In fact considering the avalanche of sombre news I am in a surprisingly optimistic mood. I’ve learnt that the whole time this counsellor seemed like she thought I was just another one of those people that cry wolf to the public health services to get attention, it was in fact she was genuinely not able, as in not skilled, to treat my Asperger’s and that it was just as a support.

I have then a number of things that I can do: attend the support group that I had previously; make another appointment with Dh.W and give it a good shot, take the advice that he gives; continue with the anger management; progressively get into activity scheduling; and manage depression symptoms with medication and counselling when needed.

So I am optimistic in the way to go forward. I was greatly encouraged that my mum and the counsellor could see that I had been making a strong effort and that I had improved. I had recently been happy with myself for the fact that I haven’t had a serious episode of depression in some months, although the definition of serious can vary with me, let’s just say that I have not thought of doing anything stupid nor have I been thinking despairing thoughts for some months now.

So the main things that have changed over the last 48 hours are that I have a much more realistic and useful view of my situation and am clearer about the way forward. I still feel sad that there is no quick fix, it is hard for me to accept that, but I know that I am going in the right direction.

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